Today, I was wondering and was asking myself why do I do what I do? Why I have this job? Why I read law and not theatre arts? Why I am in this country? Why I eat what I eat? Why I go to church? Why I help someone?Why? Why? Why?
The answer to some of the questions quickly popped up in my head. As much as I really want to do many things because I totally love to, I find that my frail mind still wants to impress/receive validation/from someone or even hear a pat on the back . Whether it’s from my parent or siblings, a friend or even a stranger.
I’m not an expert in these things but I have experienced a loss of my peace once or twice because I thought someone should pat me on the back and they didn’t. I have felt under-appreciated because Mr. A didn’t say thank you when they should really have, I have looked in my parents eye and hoped they saw whatever effort I was putting into something I was tasked to do.
Of course, feeling appreciated and recognized is good but as a christian, the most important person you want to please is God and the most important recognition should come from Him too.
Even though God cannot be impressed, He still wants us to honour and revere Him by putting him first in everyway.
Although, I know this truth, I still fail in this respect, hence, the loss of peace and the endless search for what is not even missing in the first place.
I definitely don’t want to put my happiness, desire and yearnings on hold because I fear someone is not going to happy neither do I want to read law, lose weight or achieve one feat or another just because I want to be the talk of town or for someone to be more accepting of who I am. I really just want to do anything that makes God happy which ultimately translates to my happiness.
I want to be able to help without expecting anything in return. I want to carry a friends burden without any recognition. I want to do whatever makes me happy, whatever gives me joy, whatever makes me smile without doubt, without fear (maybe a little)and without giving up.
I gladly own up to this weakness of mine and with each day, I hope I can do these things and not care about the world, not care about a pat on my back or not care whether someone is going to accept me or not.
Its my desire to do many things as long as God is happy with it and as long as I smile while doing it. With each day, may I be reminded of the words of Brother Paul: “… I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me….By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.(MSG)